So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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