We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
