that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
