So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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