You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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