i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
