drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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