So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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