i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize