Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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