I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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