it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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