I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
