Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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