you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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