so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
