Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
