Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
