onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
