Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
