i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
