hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
