the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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