I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
