Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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