The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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