There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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