So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
