I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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