Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
