How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
