my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
don't judge my taste in strippers
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
