also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
