just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
