So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I love you. Go after that dick
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
