That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
