We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
sarcasm needs its own font
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
