Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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