he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
