Do you still have your period?
she woke up with a sticky ear
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
