i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize