I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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