I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
