Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize