So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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