yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
