So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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