Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
