you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize