I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
