even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
