I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
