i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
