So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
