I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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