worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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