I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize