U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
