I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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