having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize