and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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