He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
