I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
