If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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