I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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