they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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