Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
