Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
