kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
