it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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