She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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