I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
