I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
