someone owes me an orgasm
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize