No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
