Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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