so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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