don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
