I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i came on her dog
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
