Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
